As parents, teaching our kids to be kind is an important yet difficult and often unrewarding task. Which life skills are important? What if my kids don’t want to learn? Will these little humans ever become responsible adults? There is light at the end of the tunnel! Read on for something my kids taught me.
(This post contains affiliate links. I will be compensated for any purchase made through my links. Thank you for helping to support my family!)
Life Skills: A Story
Let’s talk about the wall behind my dining room table.
Really, I’d almost rather not! It’s gross. Or at least, it was gross. I love our large table. It fits the 7 of us very comfortably and we can even squeeze in some guests when we need to. But, with it being so large and having a bench on one side, there is little space in our dining area.
Because of our open floor plan in the main area, our table has to be tucked up close to the wall. We put the bench side against the wall for space and back support. And guess who usually sits on the bench. Yep! The kids.
So you can imagine all the grubby handprints and smears that the poor wall accumulates. Also, we homeschool. So there are pencil marks and just straight up coloring on the wall as well. It’s sad.
The other morning, my sweet and busy 18 month old decided she wanted to do some school work like the big kids and proceeded to draw on the wall with a marker. Yikes! She was so proud of her picture too. It was actually kinda cute how happy she was admiring her artwork. Mama wasn’t as happy, though.
I ran to get something to clean it off really quickly. As the marker wiped off, so did a lot of the grime and other marks. It was addicting seeing the wall look clean! And also embarrassing to reveal just how dirty it actually was. I had to make myself stop at just that section and go back to schoolwork, promising myself that I would come back to it later.
But, and hold your breath for this, that afternoon, my oldest came to me and asked if she could please clean the wall. Please. She said please. I had to think about that one for a minute. Or not. I said absolutely!
She began to clean the wall. It was amazing. Then an even more amazing thing happened. Not to be outdone, my second born came to me and asked if she could please clean the wall! Was I dreaming?
I told her that this wall was already being worked on but she was more than welcome to clean a different wall that had almost equally accumulated hand (and foot?) griminess. She excitedly agreed and did it.
At one point the two of them began to fight (just to assure me that this moment was, indeed, real) over the cleaner they were using to scrub. Fighting. Over who gets to clean the wall. It was craziness.
After a while, my oldest realized her arm was getting tired because of all the scrubbing. But she didn’t stop. She worked until the wall was clean. She told me afterward that she had changed her mind about it being a good idea to ask to clean the wall because it was hard work.
I gave them all the praise I could and let them have an extra snack because of all the work they did all on their own. I was amazed at their perseverance and proud of a job well done.
So What’s the Point?
Here’s the point I’m trying to make with this story. My kids (10 and 9 at the time) watched me clean the wall at first. They saw it didn’t look too hard and saw how I enjoyed noting the difference between the clean and the dirty sections. They wanted to experience making a difference, and they wanted to do something that they felt would bring me, their mother, joy.
Even my big kids watch my every move, model themselves after me, and want to make me proud and happy. They learn kind acts of service, polite speech, and loving behavior by watching and listening to me. (You can find lots of ideas for service projects with kids of all ages in this post.)
We as parents tend to spend a lot of our parenting time and focus on getting the preschool years right. This is not a bad thing. It’s really good, actually. Putting in the hard work at the beginning is a huge part of having loving, kind, and polite kids later.
I remember watching my neighbor call his big kids to come in for supper one evening when my oldest two (the same ones from this wall-cleaning story) were 2 and 1. His kids just said, “Okay,” and came in! We were still in the throes of toddlerdom at my house. My bitties would throw a fit about having to come inside even after multiple warnings of it being almost time.
I expressed amazement at his kids just coming in without complaint. His response? “You’ll get there.” At the time, I sure hoped so but I wasn’t too sure. Now every time I call my kids to come in from playing outside, the biggest ones say, “Okay,” and come. It happened!
Oftentimes the younger ones will imitate them and come in without complaint as well – which is great. But even when they don’t, even when they act like the preschoolers they are, I don’t get worked up over it. I calmly enforce their coming inside, knowing that they, too, “will get there.”
But let’s not forget that even the “big kids” are still kids. They are still learning how to relate to their world. They are still – and even more so – watching us to learn how to be them. Our words and actions matter so much, even at this point in the game. There is so much to remember as we are teaching our kids to be kind.
Teaching Our Kids to be Kind
I find so much conviction in this quote by Rebecca Eanes, “Your words sow seeds in your children’s hearts. From those seeds spring up either confidence or uncertainty, dignity or dishonor, worth or worthlessness. Your words create the beginning of their life stories, and they will carry this story with them always.”
(Disclaimer: I have not read this book and cannot say that it expresses my views on parenting. I just really like the quotes I have read from it as well as the reviews I have seen.)
These words weigh heavily on my parenting every single day. I remember a lot more from my childhood and words that my parents said at these older ages than I do from my own preschool years. I know that what I say and do now is creating the memories my kids will carry with them all their lives.
More than simply teaching my kids to be kind, my job as their mother is to show kindness. My job is to demonstrate kindness, not just to others but to my children. To speak life to them. To fill up their love tanks to overflowing every day. I have to model self-discipline (ouch!), hard work, and making time for relationships. They need me now more than ever – even when they pretend they don’t – to hug them, listen to them, tell them they’re beautiful and smart, and assure them of their worth.
Oh, how I fail some days! How my heart breaks over the time I have wasted or the words I have said without thinking.
The good news is that they are still just kids. They are quick to offer their forgiveness. For that I’m incredibly thankful. I also need to be quick to forgive when they mess up. And tomorrow brings another chance to chase those moments.
For more on teaching life skills and parenting when it’s hard, see the posts Parenting a Difficult Child and Grace for the Chase. You can find all my inspirational posts for parents over on the Moments page.
Busy their hands and fill their time with any number of age-appropriate activities listed on the Activities page. The Chasing Those Moments Shop is full of educational, spiritual, and activity resources.
This parenting gig is hard! I’m so glad we have one another to share with and learn from. In what ways are you teaching your kids to be kind? Have you ever learned something from your kids unexpectedly? What is one way you are making sure to chase those moments with your bigger kids? Comment below or email me using the Contact Us page. I’d love to hear from you!
Like Chasing Those Moments on Facebook to keep up with the latest.
Follow Chasing Those Moments on Pinterest for some great parenting encouragement and ideas for family time.
Subscribe to the email list using the form above for behind-the-scenes access and exclusive content.
It takes a lot of time and money to maintain a website and continue to produce great content. If you’ve been blessed by the content here and would like to make a donation to help keep the site up and running, I’d be so grateful. You can click here or use the donate button in the sidebar.
