Mom guilt. It gets us all. As a mom of five, I experience mom guilt daily. I wrote this post a few years ago when I was expecting baby number 5. I hope it encourages you!
(This post contains affiliate links. I will be compensated for any purchase my through my links. Thank you for helping to support my family!)
Oh, mom guilt. How you rear your ugly head when I’m emotionally vulnerable.
Lately I’ve been wondering whether or not I have been effectively chasing those moments with my kids. At now 16 weeks pregnant, I think this baby is trying to make full use of his or her alone time with mommy. Baby definitely does not realize that after 14 weeks, mommy should be allowed a reprieve from first trimester sickness.
He or she knows that, when it’s time to join the rest of us in the world outside, he or she will have to share mommy with four other little people. So the more mommy is sick in bed, the more one-on-one time baby has.
In the throes of pregnancy nausea, never-ending life stress, fall schedules kicking back up, and just a general exhaustion, I’ve found myself in more of survival mode than chase mode. And, of course, in addition to all the things that really need brainpower, I’ve been loading myself up on plenty of mom- and wife-guilt. Sigh.
Does a good mother let her kids fix their own breakfast multiple times a week? Does a good mother offer chicken nuggets and popcorn for supper yet again? Does a good mother turn on cartoons for her toddler so she doesn’t have to chase him around for a little while?
Does a good wife spend the whole evening lying in bed because she might throw up if she lifts her head and leave all the meal prep and bedtime routines to her husband who has already spent a full day at work to do alone? Does a good wife express displeasure when her husband works hard to take care of family responsibilities but doesn’t do things exactly the way she would?
We’ve all read and heard so many messages telling us not to let guilt paralyze us or make us feel like failures as women, not to let guilt affect who we know we are in Christ. Remembering all this, now I get to feel guilty about feeling guilty! Sigh again.
How to deal with mom-guilt
Filling my head with so many guilt-ridden thoughts doesn’t make the problems go away. It doesn’t suddenly give me more energy. It doesn’t even give me excuse to say, “You know what? I deserve to lie around and let my family fend for themselves because I’m growing a human here.”
What I have discovered is that a thoughtful balance between the truth – I am growing a human here, I am tired, I am nauseated, and I very well might throw up if I lift my head. And the just-as-true-truth, my older children do need me, my husband needs me, and there is work and life that must happen regardless of how I feel – is the answer. Life looks different now than it did 6 months ago. Life will look different in another 6 months than it does now.
I don’t need to beat myself up over the fact that I cannot do the things I was doing or even the things I wish I could do. I also don’t need to let those I love feel that they have lost that love. What I need to do and what I can do is be willing to face life as it happens, to accept what I cannot do, to figure out what I can do, to give myself and others grace.
Grace.
You know what grace is? Grace is “unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification” (Merriam-Webster.com). Grace is God-given help for those moments which feel more “sanctifying” than enjoyable. Grace is accepting God’s help through other people. Grace is accepting that some things will have to wait for or change until another time.
What I can do now
So what does that look like for me right now? I may not be able to make gourmet from-scratch meals every night, but I can use the times in the morning that I feel the best to get as much advance supper prep done as I can and give instructions for the finishing touches.
I may not be able to run and play outside or jump on the trampoline, but I can pull up a chair and sit outside with my kids (or even sit inside near an open window as I did while writing a good portion of this post).
I may not be able to be fully involved in the bedtime routine every night, but I can welcome my kids to snuggle with me in my bed and read them a story before they go to their rooms. Maybe a story like I Love You Because You’re You (Find it on Amazon or Bookshop.org) or What Is God Like? (Find it on Amazon or Bookshop.org).
Life is different right now. And that’s ok. As long as my kids know that mommy loves them, as long as I’m expressing sincere appreciation and gratitude for my husband’s incredible acts of selflessness, as long as I’m on the lookout for moments to chase (even from my bed on some days), as long as I’m allowing myself and others grace, we will more than survive. We will live in grace for the chase.
Still feeling a little overwhelmed? Check out these other posts on how to create meaningful moments, keep yourself under control, and parent with patience. All of my parenting posts are listed on the Moments page. I have tons of activities ideas listed by age group and category on the Activities page. And a few of my family’s favorite recipes for making your evenings go more smoothly on the Recipes page.
I have written several books and lessons to help parents chase those moments with their kids. Right now you can find my Christmas devotional, Easter devotional, fully scripted lesson plans, and so much more here in the Chasing Those Moments shop.
For more inspiring posts and ideas to help you as you chase those little moments, follow me on Pinterest!
For encouragement, community, and to keep up with the latest, follow me on Facebook!
Join the email list to go a little deeper and get the inside scoop! (Use the subscribe form at the top right of this page.)
It takes a lot of time and money to maintain a website and continue to produce great content. If you’ve been blessed by the content here and would like to make a donation to help keep the site up and running, I’d be so grateful. You can click here or use the donate button in the sidebar.
Are you feeling a little overwhelmed with life right now? Is guilt loading you up with discouragement? What ways can you show grace in areas of your life that may be struggling? I’d love to hear some of your ideas to continue chasing those moments even when it seems you are living in survival mode.
