Do you struggle with finding time to pour into your kids? I know I do. Life is busy. Life is hard. All too often, playtime, character-building, and investment gets pushed to the back burner.
But, it doesn’t have to be. And, really, it shouldn’t be.
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Okay, so we’ve established that having special moments of connectedness with our kids is important. (And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, see the first post in this series.) We’ve committed to the idea of pursuing those moments. We’re even excited about all the great times of “purpose” we’re going to have as a family. Great. But, um…., now what? Just exactly how do we go about making those moments happen?
Good question. I’m glad you asked!
The first way we can make sure we’re creating meaningful moments and finding time to pour into our kids is to stay present.
What do I mean stay present?
Of course, we’re always with our kids, right? We’re good parents. They’re not unsupervised and left to their own devices all day every day. They’re not left to fend for themselves at meal times and bedtime. They’re not unattended in the bathtub or let loose to run around in the street all day. We’re with them just about 24/7.
I’m not talking so much about a physical presence as much as an emotional presence – giving my kids my full, undivided attention. Nor am I advocating training our kids to expect immediate gratification, to be impatient, to expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter, etc. I’m talking about teaching them that they are important to me, that they have value, that they are worth my time, that I love them more than I love myself.
1) Unplug
When you’re messing around on your phone or computer and your kids come up to talk to you, put it down and look them in the eyes.
As you are sitting down to eat a meal, leave your phone in a different room.
When you first come home from work or they first come home from school, leave the tv off and go outside or play a game or sit and talk.
Show your kids that they are more important to you than whatever Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter have to say. That the actual people in your life are more meaningful than your virtual community. Treating what they have to say with respect will do wonders for their self-worth as well as teach them what it looks like to show respect to others.
2) Make use of travel time
When everyone is buckled into their carseats, you have a captive audience for as long as it takes to get wherever you’re going. Many of my family’s deepest and most meaningful conversations take place in the car. I don’t know what it is about being in the car, but my oldest – always a deep thinker – seems to ask her hardest questions or open up about things that have been bothering her when we’re on our way somewhere.
Sometimes it’s light and we share funny stories about when they were (or I was) little. We even tell made up stories on occasion. Other times it’s heavier subjects like theology or science or treating people with love.
If I were always talking on the phone, singing along with the radio, or focused on all the bad drivers on the road, I would miss the most amazing opportunities to pour into my kids’ little hearts. An added bonus is that, when we are all engaged in conversation together, there are almost none of those infamous car fights. I think that reason alone is enough to make us want to talk in the car, am I right?
3) Find time to just be together
I’m a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. I am always with my kids. Teaching them in the morning. Eating lunch with them. I’m there when they get up from nap/rest time. I interact with them while I’m cooking supper, and I put them to bed. Everywhere I go, I take them with me.
Sometimes I crave alone time. Sometimes I wish for adult time. And, though I hate to admit it, sometimes I feel a pang of jealousy toward parents who drop their kids off at school and have hours in the day to themselves.
You know what I’ve noticed, though? Those hours that we’re “doing” things – like school work, chores, errands? My kids don’t count them as being “with” me. After school, especially after difficult days of bad attitudes and hard concepts, I’d think they’d want a break from me. But, you know what?
Even on those days, they still ask me to come out and play with them after school. They still have happy lunches and want to talk to me about whatever is on their imaginative minds. My kids beg me to watch a movie with them in the afternoons and cry if for some reason I cannot come sing to them in their rooms at bedtime.
They need time with me in which we’re not doing anything scheduled. Time in which we’re not accomplishing any purpose. They want time in which we’re just hanging out. Time for no other purpose than just being with them.
Finding time for my kids does not require anything fancy or expensive.
The first key to creating meaningful moments with our kids is to stay present. Let them feel our love in the conversations we have, in the way we interact with them. Be sure to check out the second key, making use of downtime. It has plenty of tips for conversation topics for kids of all ages. And if you missed the first post, you can read it here.
I have so many ideas for things you can do with kids of all ages over on the Activities page. Or find inspiration and encouragement in your parenting journey on the Moments page. I’d love for you to check out the Chasing Those Moments Shop for resources, books, and lessons that I’ve put together and made available for you.
Do you struggle in finding time to pour into your kids? Do you, like me, sometimes get bogged down in the daily tasks and forget to just be? Is it hard sometimes to stay present with the incessant chatter or the pull of distraction? What are some of your tried and true ways to remind yourself to stay present in the moments you have with your kids? I’d love to hear from you in the comments or by email!
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